The Shining Light

Into the sea of life,
Jumped I;
learning to swim, through
Every wave that passed by;

Friend and foe
All eyes on me,
Watching every move,
That I made at sea;

Swimming at the surface
Was so much fun!
But the thrill of It's depth
I had none!

And so I decided
To take the plunge,
Into the depths
I dared to lunge;

On my own abilities
I never had a doubt,
But no clue had I
As to what would come about;

So much beauty
Was at the depth; that
I even forgot
To hold my breath!

Pearls of wisdom
Calmness at sea;
Just how much of all this
On the surface would I see?

In the deepest of trenches
Where light cannot enter
Lay the greatest treasures,
And life's best mentors;

A pearl of wisdom
Only just one,
Was all I wanted
To the show the world I won;

To reach those treasures
I had to pass the tests,
And I had no choice
But to put forth my best;

Through trials and tribulations
That lasted long
Time and again
I was proven wrong;

Bruised and battered
I might have died,
If it wasn't for the shining light
That was my guide;

The light engulfed
And stood by me,
And showed me how beautiful
Life can actually be!

Renewed and refreshed,
With newfound vigour,
I pursued my goal
With much more vigour;

Never did I dream
That I would fail,
But fail I did, and
It lifted my ego veil;

All I wanted,
Was a breath of fresh air,
And the light was with me
Now everywhere!

"Friend and foe
Would discuss my name
No more fame
Only just shame"

And so I thought
As I rose from the depth
But everyone thought
That I had seen death!

Alas! Only the deepest of the seas
I had just seen,
And went deeper in life
Than anyone had ever been!

In the deepest of seas
I had seen it shine,
No pearl of wisdom
But the light was mine;

It took me a while
Before I knew
That my sight of the depths
Had Made my views quite new;

And now on the surface
I just lay,
Dealing with each wave
Was mere child's play;

I see myself
Some time in future,
Telling my prodigy,
The one I shall nurture

"The deeper you go
The brighter it gets;
And hold your breath,
It's as good as it gets!

As with life
And so with the sea,
May your guiding light
Always be with thee! "

A Poet's Perspective

The Taj Mahal, one of the most beautiful man made structures the world has ever seen, an epitome expression of a King’s love for his wife, is a treat to the visual senses. Anyone who has visited this majestic monument has been enthralled by its baffling beauty. I have a friend who visited the Taj Mahal, and he chose to describe it as a glorified grave! Is it possible that he is describing the same structure?

My friend has a different perspective to life. He calls himself a poet. His views are often out of the ordinary and don’t make sense to most sensible men. That makes his extremely well qualified.

His journey as a poet started when we were in high school, sitting next to each other. It was a mid day of a hot scorching summer! The fans in our class failed to work. Our throats were dry and the fact that we were part of an all boy’s school made us feel even drier. The silver lining, our biology tutor, was intensely describing the parts of a dead and dissected cockroach. Like a bolt out of a clear blue sky, my friend uttered,

“Ah! Those eyes are so cool;

They make me not want to leave school!”

I can tell you that he was not describing the eyes of the cockroach. And I can also tell you, that he was made to leave school for making that statement, though it was a fact.

He then managed to force himself into the armed forces. He was on a demanding, dangerous and deadly mission to destroy a few terrorist camps. On a silent night, in a somber valley, the secret camp was sighted. A fierce gun battle erupted. The sound of the incessant gunfire engulfed the silent valley throughout the night. The stream of bullets and the string of grenades lighted up the night sky like a mini sun would. Before long, it was dawn and the battle was raging on. My friend, lying on the ground, firing at every enemy in sight suddenly started weeping profusely. He lost concentration and almost got himself and some of his men killed! His chief dragged him into base and SCREAMED for an explanation. My friend, still sobbing, said,

 

 “A rose was about to bloom;

Unaware of the approaching doom;

There was blood on its face;

 What a disgrace!

Its life would never be the same!

I am the cause, what a shame!”

and continued to cry. He was charged with being soft, sensitive, sentimental and senseless. Through a lot of effort he made it to the army, and with very little effort, he was sent out of it.

He left his job, and so his love left him. He learnt that the society would not accept him because he had honesty, he had sensitivity and he had swine flu. When he contracted it, there was no cure. He was on his death bed when I last met him. I put up a sorry face. He laughed at me and said,

“You know not how long you would live;

You are living in pieces!

I know exactly how long I would live;

And I am dying in peace;

Death, is more exciting than I thought it would be;

Somehow I feel that this is how life should be”

I put him at ease, and left with a lot of unease. My childhood friend, the perpetual poet, may not exist tomorrow. My friend, who saw the coolness in the eyes of a tutor on a scorching summer day, who saw the pain of a flower amidst war, who saw the pleasure of life in his death, is leaving. And he is leaving behind a glorious gift, the wonderful perspectives of a poet.

Celebrating Life

Fireworks! Parties! Filled up pubs and discos! Crazy drivers! Packed beaches and roads! People living it up like there’s no tomorrow! All this at midnight! Another typical celebration to mark the beginning of a new year according to the Gregorian calendar… In India alone, there are hundreds of other calendars in existence and practice which have the birth of their new year lined up. Quite a few ‘brand new’ years to be excited about!

I somehow, do not share such excitement, nor do I feel it. In my humble opinion, many people, if not most people around the world seem to have constrained time to a calendar and a clock. In my opinion, the celebration to mark the birth of a new year is just an excuse for procrastination. It is just an excuse for being happy.

The question that repeats in my head is, “If a calendar does not exist, how would this day be different from any other day?” The sun would rise the same way it has done for eons. The breeze would blow, the trees would grow, the flowers would bloom and the rivers would flow. Hmmm… Nothing seems to have changed the course of nature. Nature doesn’t seem to have realized the significance of the birth of a new year! Or is it just we, the humans, who have outwitted and outlearnt nature and have realized the ‘true’ value of time? I just don’t think so.

Let me state a couple of examples. Imagine a situation in which a scientist and a first grader are put in the same room to watch cartoons for a whole day. In all probability, time would fly for the kid and it would just come to a standstill for the scientist. For a person waking up from coma in the middle of June, if we were to tell him that he has woken up on the First of January, he’d simply accept it without questions. Or as Einstein explained the theory of relativity, “Time flies when you’re with your loved one. It doesn’t when you’re sitting on a hot pan”. Time is relative. Time is subjective. Time is just a perception.

Having said that, what is my two cents on time? In my perception, time exists only in the mind. And the only time that exists, is “NOW”. I have no power to go back in time and change what has happened. I have no power to go forward in time to see what the future holds for me. I’m just left with something in the present with which I can either learn from the past or work on something to create a desired future. And as I am typing this, time passes away like a stream. Never can I step into the same water again. And slowly I realize that nothing is as far away, as a moment gone by.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow’s a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the ‘present’

“Tuesdays with Morrie” is a beautiful book that I have read. It’s the story of a dying man meeting up one of his yester year students every Tuesday to do one final thesis - on life. For anyone who is too worried about the past, or the future, this book is a ‘must read’. The book beautifully illustrates, in the form of simple dialogues, how precious every moment is. And when a man who knows he’ll die in a few days speaks about time, it drives home the message in a very subtle yet powerful manner. It strings up a series of thoughts when I think, “How would I live my life if I know that I will not wake up to see the sunrise tomorrow?”

Thousands of people die of malnutrition, hunger, disease and accidents every single moment. What makes us think that we are exceptions? What gives us the guarantee that we would somehow live long enough to do everything that we want to? What makes us think that we may not meet with an accident or have a heart attack the next moment? What makes us believe that an unknown, mutated form of an incurable virus wouldn’t infect us today? What guarantee do we have that we will see each other tomorrow?

So, what makes the first of January according to the Gregorian calendar so special that everyone wants to live life to the fullest starting that day? Why not the first of February? Why not March? Why not LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST EVERY SINGLE DAY , EVERY SINGLE MOMENT?!

Open your eyes..

உன் பூஜையும் யாகமும்

பூஜியமாய் போகும்;

செய்த ஜெபங்கள் எல்லாம்

வீணாய் போகும்;

தொழுகை எதுவும்

உன்னை தொடர்ந்து வராது!

மானுடா! விழித்தெழு!

கண் திற! உலகை பார்!

உண்டியலில் நீ போட்ட காசு

உன் இறைவன் கேட்டானா?

உண்ண இயலாமல் இருப்பவனை

வாழ வை - கோடி புண்ணியம் உனக்கு!

கண் கட்டி கடவுளை நம்பும் பித்தனே!

உன் கண் முன்னாள் இருக்கும்

வறுமையை ஒழி - அழி!

அன்று நீயே இறைவன் ஆவாய்!

இருக்கும் வரை இருளை போக்கு;

உன்னை சுற்றும் அநீதியை நீக்கு!

உயிர்கொல்லி மானுடர் அழியும் வரை தாக்கு!

உன்னை சுற்றி

பசி, பிணி;

விட்டது போதும்,

கிளம்பு இனி!

வீரன் பின்னால் என்றும்

தொடரும் மாபெரும் அணி!

சாதிகளை மிதி! மனிதனை மதி!

சுடர் ஒளி விடட்டும் உன் மதி!

உன்னால் மட்டும் மாற்ற முடியும்

இவ்வுலகின் தலை விதி!

Questions & Quandries

In general, I tend to think a lot before making decisions. Nothing flashy about my decision making. There are some situations that make it even more difficult for me to act. Here are a few situations. I still have not figured out how to react under these situations.

SITUATION 1:

I see a child begging. My mind tells me not to give the child anything. It is like encouraging the child to beg. And, you never know whether the child will actually get the money. I’m sure you know what I mean. Watch ‘Naan Kadavul’ or ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ if you don’t.

However, me, being me, cannot bear to see a child begging. I cannot but drop a coin in his tiny palm. There is an urge to give, hoping that it might help the child.

But, between the heart and the mind, I’m more often than not, left stranded, and like most of us, do nothing.

SITUATION 2:

I see an old man/lady begging. I was brought up by my grandmother. I was pretty close to her and I was her favorite grandchild, among the 13 that she had. When I see an old person begging or struggling, I cannot but offer something. They always seem to find the softest corner of my heart.

But some of my friends tell me that there’s no point giving them anything. They’ve already lived their lives. Their argument is that the money or food that I offer them, may serve a starving child better. Hmmm.. Interesting! And I respond promptly. It doesn’t matter how they’ve lived their lives so far, with their end not far away, they deserve to live a decent life, however short it may be. Any being deserves that.

But the dilemma never ceases to leave my mind.

SITUATION 3:

I am looking for an auto rickshaw. There are none. There is a rickshaw waiting next to me – a pedal / human powered rickshaw. I know that he charges half the rate that an auto driver would charge me. I know that he probably gets less than half the customers that an auto driver would get. Maybe if I choose to ride with him, the trip would give him some hope or maybe support a better dinner for his family. I feel tempted.

However, I also know that it is quite inhuman to have a fellow human toil to move my bulky body from one place to another, while I rest and gaze at the stars.

What do I do? I have not managed to find an answer.

SITUATION 4:

This is a situation that I come across almost everyday. I eat at a place of my choice, which varies for almost every meal of the day. I give myself the luxury of sitting in an air conditioned restaurant and pay exorbitant cash for miniscule quantities of unhealthy junk food. I tip the waiter. I walk out with my stomach full and pockets empty.

When I get back on the road, I see a mother sitting under a tree with a baby tied to her body with a piece of cloth. She’s pleading for anything that could be offered to her. She has nothing to feed the baby. She stands there – bosoms parched and eyes drenched.

A chill runs down my spine. I’m overwhelmed by a feeling of insatiable guilt. I don’t think I need to explain what my dilemma is in this situation.

When I spend some time in solitude, searching for the purpose of my life, I feel lost. “What is the purpose of life?” – A question that a fellow student asked a big shot executive during an interaction with him during my college days. My friends and I used to have a great fun discussing how the question was put forth to a software executive who was talking about Six Thinking Hats. Now, here I stand, asking myself the same question. And still looking for an answer.

I believe that I would have taken a positive step towards the answer once I manage to find the solution to my moral, and seemingly immortal dilemmas..

The Richest people on Earth...

Here’s proof that India is truly the land of ‘Unity in Diversity’. One of the leading ENGLISH dailies in the country published the story of about a HINDI speaking guy’s presence outside a Government Hospital in the capital of TAMILNADU.

What was so significant about him– you ask? He was no political big shot nor was he a page 3 celebrity. He was just another citizen of this culturally, religiously, historically and democratically RICH nation. Then what was so special about him that he was reported in a leading English daily – you ask again? Though there are millions like him, he made it to the news simply because he was fortunate enough to die in the presence of the media. What preceded his death is what is making me write.

This individual whose name we do not know came to the hospital to treat a fractured leg. I name him ‘God’ – because ‘God’ seems to be the only name which transcends the religious, geographical and political barriers of our country and it is a name that I can lay claim over, without breaching any copyright or hurting any individual’s personal sentiments. God was unfortunately one of those omnipresent Indian citizens who had not enough money, nor enough people to take care of them. The hospital appears to have given him the necessary bandages. However, due to lack of staff, the hospital could no longer treat and support God. They had so little staff that they sometimes let the injured individual do the bandages themselves! With no one to take care of God, he was soon thrown out of the hospital.

God lay on the platform outside the hospital for a few days. The hospital received at least 5000 footfalls a day on an average, which translates to 10000 eyes that could see his blood, 10000 ears that could hear his painful groans and 10000 arms that could have held him for support. None of the 10000 eyes and arms did anything to soothe him. He was immobile. He toiled in the sun. However, he did not starve. His cries did not go unheard. Food and water came from a few kind souls. He was given food by people who had no idea of where their next meal would come from, who had to depend on a handful of other people for a handful of food - people who we call beggars.

Beggars fed God.

However, there was not enough support to ensure that he could heal himself. It had been 20 days of agony! A popular NGO and a newspaper received the news about God. Before the NGO could bring an ambulance, a camera from the media reached the spot. And before they could take him to another hospital, God had departed from this world.

God ceased to exist. I dare say humanity ceased to exist.

The news was published. We all read it. And we all moved on with our own lives as if nothing significant had happened, while hundreds of such men and women continued to suffer a similar death everyday. What has blinded us?!

We are culturally one of the richest nations. Our culture has taught us that service to humanity is the highest form of service. What an irony! This incident made our culture look like a very bad joke to me. Medical practitioners are revered as life givers in white coats. But it is unfortunate that the profession has become a business today. I once met an Ayurvedic practitioner who told me that in the olden days, the primary duty of a doctor was to ensure that people stay healthy. If people started falling sick, his salary was cut down. Wow! That’s quite a culture to follow! Can we even think of implementing such a system today?!

We are religiously one of the richest nations. Several great religions of this world have originated from this holy land. I am absolutely sure that all religions preach service to humanity as service to God. Even atheists and monotheists believe in service to fellow beings! Out of the 5000 footfalls that crossed that individual in a given day, how many religions and beliefs had walked past him? When I see that not one of them took the effort to save this ailing being, I believe that all religion, belief and custom had lost its inherent meaning. After all, what is the use in beliefs, customs and rituals when none of these could help a dying human being?

We are part of the largest democratic nation in the world. Democracy is defined as the government of the people, by the people and FOR the people. I do not think this is a democracy of the people, considering the fact that an individual almost always needs a political backing to be part of the government. And I do not think this is a democracy by the people considering the fact that less than 40% of the population of the country votes in a given election. What do all the central and state schemes translate to if they cannot provide enough facility to protect a citizen from a death like this? Subsidized rice, kerosene and free televisions mean nothing to a dying man. Is there no way that the government can provide free medical care for the citizens? After all, access to good medical facilities is one of the basic necessities of any human being living in this disease prone world. On that fateful day, a citizen did not die, democracy did. With every such death, democracy stands defeated.

We are economically one of the fastest growing nations. What does an 8% GDP growth, or even a double digit industrial growth mean to the people, when 40% of the country’s population continues to exist below the poverty line? Money attracts money and void attracts more void. The simple theory of rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer is so vividly painted in the canvas of our nation. It is a pathetic situation that the richest and the poorest people exist in the same country, and sometimes barely within miles of each other. What is the use in building the best railway station in the world with the highest quality of everything available, if we cannot help in improving the lives of the beggars who sit outside the stations?

Of course, I am generalizing when talking about medical practitioners, religions, democracy and the economy. Exceptions do exist in all these fields. However, exceptions can never be treated as examples.

Some may argue that I am being too critical and non-understanding of the political and economic turbulence that exists in the world and this country at this time. Maybe. But all said and done, no amount of economic, scientific or political advancement can ever outweigh a single human life.

In conclusion, I would always remember the day the article was published as the day that a few people became the richest people on earth. They probably have no ration cards, know no religion, have never voted and have never seen a 500 rupee note in their lives. Most of us call them beggars. They have taught the richest nation on earth how poor we actually are. No riches of this nation or this world can ever be compared to the people who had the heart to feed and support a dying human being.

Searching for my SELF

Solitude..

Silence..

Peace..

I lost myself in a place which had all these three elements. It was a long time back when I was walking the shores of the Marina. It was quite late in the evening, around 9 PM. I found a comfortable cozy place along the long shoreline and rested my body in the sand. There weren't many people around. I stared up into the open sky. Ah! It was bliss! It was a perfectly clear sky with no clouds bothering my gaze into the heavens. A few stars twinkling here and there, and an almost full moon smiling full beam at the earth. There was just the cyclic movement of the light house beam waving to the waves and an occasional aeroplane approaching Chennai. I must admit, staring at the sky is a hobby that I'd recommend anyone to develop. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, experiencing complete darkness..and then I slowly opened my eyes and I stared at the sky. The sky was dark, but dark in a mysteriously beautiful way. I was staring into an endless black drape which was decorated with a few twinkling gems. I felt small. I felt lost. It is an experience that cannot be narrated in tomes and tomes of literature.

I shrugged and sat up. I was now staring at the horizon. My Civil Engineering knowledge told me that the fartherest point that I was able to see in the sea was about 2 miles away. But logic, and knowledge took a back seat for the next few moments. There was this incomplete and tarnished ball of white that was staring at me from beyond the waves. The big white ball's light was reflecting off the surface of the sea. The picture that I saw then will remain etched in my memory forever. In the background of the dark sky, the bright white moon was just above the horizon, and its light was travelling across the waves, creating a glittering roadway across the sea. The roadway extended from the horizon to the shore. It looked as if the moon was going to walk down to the earth on a glittering carpet spread across the seas. I stared in awe. I wondered why I hadn't noticed such beauty for such a long time in my life. This mass that we call the moon, has been an inspiration for astronomers, scientists, poets and lovers for as long as humanity has existed. I am one of those inspired ones. When I started writing poetry, I liked to call myself 'நிலா பிரியன்' which literally means, "Moon lover".

This visual treat that I was experiencing was complemented by silence - the silence of the waves. I know that most people would say that the waves are not silent. Well, to me, the sound of the waves is as soothing as silence. Compare it with the normal sounds that you hear when you wake up every day for example, and you would realize what I'm talking about. To be frank, it was silence, it was music and it was peace. Listen to it carefully. It starts as a slight buzz, grows into a roar, crashes like thunder and ends in a hush. And then the world goes on mute for a fraction of a second. And before you realize, it starts again. You can so easily get lost in it. I did..

And in this beautiful place, at total ease, and in total peace, I lost myself..

It is very unfortunate that the Marina or the Elliots beach don't seem to offer the same experience to me now. It is very hard to find solitude, and if I do, I am so far from the sea that I cannot hear the silence of the waves. If I position myself to listen to the waves, I lose my solitude. There is so much light around that I am not able to lose myself in the darkness of the sky. The constant chattering and twittering of people on their mobiles disrupts one element or another.

And hence, here I am, putting forth a humble request to anyone who is reading this.. If you ever come across a  soul lying on the beach in solitude, seemingly enjoying everything around and at peace, please let me know at the earliest. It is quite possible that its me. I would like to travel to that location, wherever on Earth it is, so that I can rediscover myself and be in harmony with my SELF..