Searching for my SELF

Solitude..

Silence..

Peace..

I lost myself in a place which had all these three elements. It was a long time back when I was walking the shores of the Marina. It was quite late in the evening, around 9 PM. I found a comfortable cozy place along the long shoreline and rested my body in the sand. There weren't many people around. I stared up into the open sky. Ah! It was bliss! It was a perfectly clear sky with no clouds bothering my gaze into the heavens. A few stars twinkling here and there, and an almost full moon smiling full beam at the earth. There was just the cyclic movement of the light house beam waving to the waves and an occasional aeroplane approaching Chennai. I must admit, staring at the sky is a hobby that I'd recommend anyone to develop. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, experiencing complete darkness..and then I slowly opened my eyes and I stared at the sky. The sky was dark, but dark in a mysteriously beautiful way. I was staring into an endless black drape which was decorated with a few twinkling gems. I felt small. I felt lost. It is an experience that cannot be narrated in tomes and tomes of literature.

I shrugged and sat up. I was now staring at the horizon. My Civil Engineering knowledge told me that the fartherest point that I was able to see in the sea was about 2 miles away. But logic, and knowledge took a back seat for the next few moments. There was this incomplete and tarnished ball of white that was staring at me from beyond the waves. The big white ball's light was reflecting off the surface of the sea. The picture that I saw then will remain etched in my memory forever. In the background of the dark sky, the bright white moon was just above the horizon, and its light was travelling across the waves, creating a glittering roadway across the sea. The roadway extended from the horizon to the shore. It looked as if the moon was going to walk down to the earth on a glittering carpet spread across the seas. I stared in awe. I wondered why I hadn't noticed such beauty for such a long time in my life. This mass that we call the moon, has been an inspiration for astronomers, scientists, poets and lovers for as long as humanity has existed. I am one of those inspired ones. When I started writing poetry, I liked to call myself 'நிலா பிரியன்' which literally means, "Moon lover".

This visual treat that I was experiencing was complemented by silence - the silence of the waves. I know that most people would say that the waves are not silent. Well, to me, the sound of the waves is as soothing as silence. Compare it with the normal sounds that you hear when you wake up every day for example, and you would realize what I'm talking about. To be frank, it was silence, it was music and it was peace. Listen to it carefully. It starts as a slight buzz, grows into a roar, crashes like thunder and ends in a hush. And then the world goes on mute for a fraction of a second. And before you realize, it starts again. You can so easily get lost in it. I did..

And in this beautiful place, at total ease, and in total peace, I lost myself..

It is very unfortunate that the Marina or the Elliots beach don't seem to offer the same experience to me now. It is very hard to find solitude, and if I do, I am so far from the sea that I cannot hear the silence of the waves. If I position myself to listen to the waves, I lose my solitude. There is so much light around that I am not able to lose myself in the darkness of the sky. The constant chattering and twittering of people on their mobiles disrupts one element or another.

And hence, here I am, putting forth a humble request to anyone who is reading this.. If you ever come across a  soul lying on the beach in solitude, seemingly enjoying everything around and at peace, please let me know at the earliest. It is quite possible that its me. I would like to travel to that location, wherever on Earth it is, so that I can rediscover myself and be in harmony with my SELF..